The Elephant in the Room

I score poorly on all standard indicators of measuring an individual's interest in the work he's doing;

"Do you wake up in the morning thinking about what you gonna do that day?"--No

"Do you loouuve your work?"-- No

"Do you get up after a day's work feeling satisfied that it was a day well spent?"--No

In view of the above, any career-counselor worth its salt would have asked the obvious question-"why haven't you quit yet?"

The question has haunted me night and day and i must admit the question often presents itself like an elephant in my office cubicle every time i sit and type a bunch of mistakes on my computer for my senior to vet and later castigate me over. The more I think over the question, the better I am able to empathise with people who often find it difficult to talk about how they feel about the proverbial elephant in the room. Yes, it is somewhat cowardly to write a blog, of all things, about it but I guess its better than basic and lonely ideation. (btw it also serves a very selfish need to sort things out in my mind)

The above question is a rather simplistic way of putting things and as a matter of fact, it has a number of undertones, sub-questions and hidden complexities. For example, some questions which may immediately follow any satisfactory answer to first question may be a) 'What do you plan to do after this?'  b)'How much are you earning now?' b) 'Do you like your bosses?' c) 'Howz the work, as such?' etc. etc. The questions fall like whips on any fledgling ambitions one might have of taking the big leap and  more often than not, crush to death any such 'deviant' thoughts.

Tonight, I have resolved one thing for certain. I shall talk about the elephant.- the way I feel about the work, the way i feel about my life and the way its headed, and the way i feel about my prospects in the profession. It is important to feel and having said that it is even more important to feel about things that matter to you as an individual. I feel because I am no machine. I feel because I am human first and an employee second. I feel because I am alive. 

And now I write because I feel and not necessarily because i think..

Prologue

Mine was an arranged marriage. My marriage to the law firm, i am currently working at in Delhi, was arranged by the ubiquitous marriage broker- the placement cell of my college. When my marriage was decided upon after a telephonic interview and a subsequent 'muh-dikhai' by way of an internship, i was thrilled like any fresh law graduate at the prospects. My marriage was grand with accolades and best-wishes from the near and dear ones. Its now been 7 months since i got married. The honeymoon is definitely over and what assures me of its passage is the stark mundanity of daily life.

Lest my discerning readers dismiss my writings at the very outset as a bitchy commentary on my employer or rather my senior, i wish to assure them that i have no such intentions. Most certainly, my blog would have got more hits that way but i have refrained from the momentary rush of popularity for the more calming pursuit of self-discovery [please bear with me as i embark upon my grand ideations :)].

To empty by burdensome bag of mundanity and then to rummage through its contents is what i intend to do. These writings may appear disjoint and disconnected but i have treasured these moments as priceless memorabilia in my chest treasure-chest called memory. These disjoint, disconnected and random events are my life and i one day hope to open my treasure chest to look with contentment at these days and events and smile with satisfaction at a life spent. These writings may probably end up as a cry in the wilderness called the 'world wide web' but since my intentions are clear, it shall be most reassuring for me to even hear a single voice in the wilderness; so what, if it happens to be my own.

I now write from behind the impregnable walls of anonymity. The walls protect the clear outlines of my ideations and feelings from being blurred or contaminated by the invasion of my personal attributes. Since traits and attributes, by their very nature, are subjective and often perceived with a biased or judgmental eye, it is probably best that the things that i say are not burdened with my past and certain pre-conceived notions about me. Writing with impunity on a clean slate is certainly a thrilling experience which i now hope to indulge to my fill....